Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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