he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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