he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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