I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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