I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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