hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize