today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
