I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dick has a subreddit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
