Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
