I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
