You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
