im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
