just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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