:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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