I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
