If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
