Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
