I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize