Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
