I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize