He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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