3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
