she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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