I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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