I got chris browned last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize