first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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