We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
