I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
