I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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