could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
