Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
