You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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