So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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