So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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