We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
