the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
