She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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