I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
