Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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