She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize