ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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