How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
