Me too!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
