Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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