I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
