I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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