Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And then he peed in my hair
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