No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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