You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
