Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
