Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
