P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
