Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
