I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
