goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
