You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
