I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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