M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
