Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
