Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
