So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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