you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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