I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
